More Tips For an Easier Pregnancy

Mommy up!

If this is not your first child and the other one (two…) are still toddler or small kids than you know the “Mommy up” too well. They don’t care how big your belly is. So what to do? If you let you child use a bench, a chair or something else it can climb up on you can even have a kitchen helper. If you have to pick the child up don’t bend over all the way, let your child get up on something higher and then you can pick it up. Most important is that whenever you lift something up it is with a straight back.

Let your belly relax.

Your normal skirts and pants will still fit you for a while and later you can help yourself by not closing the sipper or inserting an elastic band. But in the last few weeks of your pregnancy this will be impossible without compressing your belly. It is important that you have 2 or 3 good pants or skirts and some loosely fitting T-shirt or other type of tops to wear with.  Socks or stockings should have a soft and not too tight elastic band because your legs tend to swell specially in the last weeks of your pregnancy. But by all means celebrate your belly. It is beautiful, it is there only for a short time, it covers and protects the most valuable treasure, a new live! And don’t forget to take a photo.

In water you float.

If you have a pool close by, go swimming. To make it fun takes a friend or your partner for mutual motivation. You don’t have to rush to one of those water gym for pregnant women exercise groups. It is absolutely sufficient that you swim your rounds while you feel the relaxation through floating in the water. Get the sensation of lite wait taking the pressure of your back and your legs. For all of you who easily catch a yeast infection: My midwife tip is that before you go swimming in public pools insert an olive oil soaked tampon.

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Tips on how to make your pregnant life easier!

Shopping-less load with a little trick.

Is carrying your shopping bags more and more difficult? A weekly meal plan can help. If you know what to cook you know what to shop! Make a shopping trip an event; get you best friend, your partner or a family member to accompany you. They can help you carry; you have company and after wards you can treat them with something they like (ice crème, a lunch, candy etc.). Another solution could be a supermarket that delivers. There are several chains who deliver if you shop for a certain amount or above. Fresh fruit, vegetable, meat or fish you can put in a shopping cart liner. Once you get home you can put it on a chair before you unpack so you don’t have to bend over.

Breathing – Peace let you breathe.

In the last weeks of pregnancy there is not much space in your body to take a deep breath. Your baby pushes against your ribs and your midriff. It is time that you start to eat smaller  portions more often instead of a few big meals. And if you have physical stress like thorough house cleaning you plan it in advance and do it slow. This way you can avoid breathlessness and fatigue. 

Sleeping better with a soft support.

A little trick with a big effect! If the time has come that you cannot lie on your back or on your side than you should get a body pillow. There are two types. One is just a straight long pillow relatively inexpensive which you can put between your ankle and knee. It takes the pressure off your back. The other one is a paternal pillow price range from $ 50 up to $100 and it comes in different forms.  If in the evening your legs are swollen you can raise the lower part of your bed during the night by putting some blankets there to raise your feet.   This way the accumulated liquid in your legs can drain off. In the morning you wake up and your eyes are swollen? It is a normal attribute of being pregnant. A great relive is if at night you boil some chamomile tea bags, have them in the refrigerator and in the morning before you get up, take your 10 minute beauty rest by putting them on your eyelids.

My Belly And I

If the sizes of a medicine ball or small and pointy like a melon: A pregnant woman’s belly is always an eye-catcher. We collected some interesting facts about the most beautiful belly in the world.

Why are bellies so different?

Each pregnancy belly is as unique as the woman who is carrying and the child that grows in it. Even so the myth that the form of the belly can indicate the sex of the child persists, it is untrue. The truth is that it is more a physical pre-condition of the mom to be.

If a woman is rather small and petite the baby does not has much room to expand it self like in the case of a tall woman with longer vertebra. This is the reason why the belly appears earlier as she is carrying it all in the front.

In case of a small pelvis the baby has not sufficient room to lower itself all the way down. The belly stays higher and arches further out.

The posture of a woman also plays a roll: A hollow-back pushes the belly further out and appears to be bigger.

If you have trained abs and firm connective tissue your belly will most likely not arch out as much in an unfit woman.

Not only will the size of the child influence the sizes of the belly. Very important is also the amount of amniotic fluid. It can be as little as about 10 FL OZ. or a much as 50 FL OZ. and you can see if you carry a pound or two more around.

As more pregnancies a woman has as more round and less high will her belly be. Uterus, aps and the complete body tissues are heavily stretched due to the pregnancy. Up to a certain degree this will regulate itself but without specific muscle training you will feel it latest in a new pregnancy.

Picture found on http://www.tiredofbeingpregnant.com/2011/09/beautiful-pregnant-bellies.html

This Belongs To Me Now

Child psychologists explain how parents should behave in a situation like this, using the following example.

The situation: Robin finds a toy in the playground. Justin takes it way from Robin. Both children fight. Robin loses and starts crying. Both mothers who have been absorbed by their conversation first realize that something is wrong when they hear Robin cry.

For both mother to understand the situation the question has to be “What happened,” not “Why are you crying!” Experts say that the word WHY is increasing the conflict. Same wrong behavior would be to accuse the child with: “What have you done now again.

De-escalate with the following question: What happened, who had the toy first?” This is a question the child can answer.

Now you can say: “Justin, did you ask Robin if you could have the toy? No? You have to ask first, please give the toy back to Robin. If Justin has no intention to follow your request you can use the technique of a broken disc repeat the same sentence over and over again. Justin, give back the toy, you have to ask first. Best is to use the sentence Justin has to say. This way Justin learns how to behave in a situation of conflict.

Another possibility is to swap. Justin could offer Robin another toy to interchange.

Even so swapping is a makeshift because children learn to share only in exchange of something else the modern social society often works like this.

This is the last of our 5 articles regarding the topic Playing is easy – is it not? If you liked it please comment and/or give suggestion.

Thank you

Letice

 

 

Conversation between 2 boys age 5

„Hi!” 

„What do you want?” 

„I want to show you something!”

„But I don’t want to see it! “

„Just come with me!” 

„Don’t want to!” 

„And why not?” 

„Because I don’t want to!” 

„Why?” 

„Leave me alone!” 

„But I want to show you something!” 

„But I don’t want to see it!” 

“Oh come on it is something special!” 

„And what is it?”

„I cannot tell you!” 

„But if you can’t tell me than you can’t show me either!” 

„I can! “ 

„And how if I may ask? “ 

„But you may not ask! “ 

„If I cannot ask than I cannot go with you! “

„You can! “ 

„But then I can ask too! “ 

„You can ask! “ 

„But you just said that I cannot ask! “

„I did not, now come on! “ 

„Bring it over! “ 

„I can’t do that! “ 

„And why not, what is it? “ 

„I still can’t tell you! “ 

„And when can you tell me? “ 

„In a moment! “ 

„And why do I have to go with you? “ 

„Because I want to show it to you! “ 

„Ok if it has to be, I go with you!” 

„But you said you did not want to come!” 

„But now I want to!” 

„Ok let’s go to my house.” 

„OK.”

… 

„Wait a moment I go and get it. “

… 

„Finally you’re back! And? “ 

„I couldn’t find it! “ 

„But you wanted to show it to me! “ 

„But it is not here anymore! “ 

„And why did I had to come? “ 

„Because than it was there! “ 

„What was it? “ 

„My pet! “ 

„And what kind of pet? “ 

„Just a pet! “ 

„Yes, I know! “ 

There you go, why did you ask me? “ 

„I don’t know what kind of! “ 

„It is small, fat and skinny! “ 

„?????” 

„I mean small, fat and empty! “ 

„I still don’t understand! “ 

„You don’t have to understand! “ 

„And why did you explain it then?” 

„I did not do that!” 

„Sure you did!” 

„No, I did not!” 

„Sure!” 

„No!” 

„It does not matter!” 

„No!” 

„Stop to brawl!” 

„No!” 

„Just stop!” 

„Ok!” 

………..!”

I Pinch That – Now It Is Mine

The situation: Leticia is driving Sofia’s bicycle. Leticia likes to have it back, but gets totally ignored by Sofia. Leticia’s mom tells her several times to return the bicycle but she gets ignored too. Leticia’s mom feels pressured because she can feel that Sofia’s mom is getting inpatient. Leticia’s mom just stops her daughter, gets her off the bike and gives it back to Sofia. Leticia starts to cry.

Experts say that: By acting like this you play the judge and you deprive your child of her powers.  She has no more possibilities to make any type of decision, good or bad. The effect of learning something out of this situation is absolutly zero. Naturally you have to intervene because your child needs an arbitrator to help to solve the situation. Maybe like the following example; “Leticia did you ask Sofia if you could have her bicycle? – And you still like to ride? (By saying this you verbalize the conflict. Leticia feels that she is taken serious). “Ok, but now we have a problem. We have two kids but only one bike what are we going to do now? (You slow down the conflict) “What can we do?

Almost half of the times acting/reacting like this you will win your case because one of the kids will say: “Shall she keep it! In case this strategy does not work, try other proposals for solutions. If both children cannot agree to any suggestions than it is time to say: Ok, if none of you has an idea and can agree on something than I have to make a decision.

 

Sharing hurts

The following scenario is an example on how to handle conflict situations if your child does not wants to share.

The scenario: Paul likes to play with Sherman’s favorite red fire truck. Sherman snatches the car out of his hands. At the same time he grabs with his other hand everything else around him. Paul has no right to touch any of his toys. Mom shouts: You must give him something to play with or otherwise he will not visit you again.

(I have to admit, I have done the exact same thing.)

First problem is you are blackmailing you child, second your child is not yet old enough to understand the consequences. Never the less it is correct to intervene. As verbal communications at this age are still limited, as a parent you are committed to help out.

Example: Paul, why don’t you ask Sherman what toy you may have?

The possibility that Sherman lets Paul have one toy is relatively high even if it is just the most uninteresting one of all. If he accomplished that first step it will make it easier for him to give up on the red fire truck 10 minutes later.

If Sherman rejects to give up even one single toy you have the chance to say: Sherman you don’t want to share a toy? – Mmh, this is silly, sorry Paul but all the toys belong to Sherman. I would like to give you some but those are not mine.

It is a way for you slow down the conflict and Sherman learns to understand that he is accepted and he has control over (the situation) his toys. Than you can try again: “Look Sherman, maybe Paul can play with the police car”?

If that does not help take Paul aside and let him play with things they don’t belong to Sherman (keys, pencil and paper etc. I won’t take long and Sherman is ready to give up on his rebellious stance because the new game is much too interesting to not join in.

How do children play and how do they dispute?

Kids need idols and playmates to become socially competent. We need the Idols for orientation to learn how to do things ideally and we need the playmates to train with them the newly learned. Fighting, arguing and disputes are training and not a waste of time even if parents think it is.

Parallel games

Children need playmates. Even as little as 3 to 4 month old babies search the contact to other kids. They observe and learn. In the crawling stage they move closer and sit next to others so they can touch which often is a little rough.  About a year old they start to imitate each other and start to offer toys to the other kids. It appears that the kids play parallel but if you watch closely you can tell the other baby reacts, only that it is still time-delayed. It frustrates a lot if your partner has moved on and plays something else while you just understood what he wanted. That situation can lead to a tantrum or hissy fits. The parallel play is a way to try to contact other kids and get their attention.  At the age of 2 it is that kids are capable of coordinating their interests with the one of their playmate.

Play together

Around the second birthday children start to play meaningful together. They learn to agree on toys, games and can animate each other to continue and maintain a game for a longer time. They understand roll playing and they can agree to different characters. A lot of times they need the support and guidance of older kids or of their moms. For example: She took my book away! How to react if Sam takes Ken and puts him in the bath tub while Dorothy was changing his close? Most important…at first stay out of it and observe! It is still time to act if you see that the kids have no way to agree. It is most important not to solve the conflict. Helping with suggestions goes a long way: “Why don’t you sit together and look at the book? Ken needs to put his swimming trunks on before he can go to the pool!”  By playing with kids of the same age they learn to stand their ground, evaluate themselves and others. Playing they also lean to compromise and to cooperate with each other. They are laying the foundation for characteristics such as consideration, helpfulness/cooperativeness and compassion.

Trouble Spot: Property

A toddlers fight is mainly interpreted as a conflict of possession. Investigating scientists discovered that only about a third of those conflicts are based on possession. By the way a behavior that starts at the age of about 22 month.

Trouble Spot: Interruption

Example: Marcus is totally absorbed and fascinated by the law of physics that whenever he puts the ball on the ramp it rolls down by itself. Here comes Julian and almost immediately they fight. It is good if you had watched from the beginning how it happened. Now you can be impartial and instead of: Give that ball back to Marcus… you can say:  First it is Marcus turn and then yours.  “Marcus, would you please let Julian try it too”? It is important that kids are not disturbed when experimenting new things but an input form the other child can enrich the game.

Trouble Spot: Curiosity

Scientists have researched that about 20% of the children’s conflicts are produced by curiosity of an item someone is playing with.  On the contrary to “this is mine” curiosity is a learn process. Example: Sandra is sitting in the sand box filling her molds. She has pick out butterfly molds and has a considerable amount filled. Sofia watches her for a while and then comes over. She would like to try out if she can fill them too and maybe she has a different, more efficient way of doing it. Or maybe she knows how to turn them without losing too much sand?  The fight breaks out! Now it is you as a parent who has to help. First you have to slow down the conflict by showing that you understand, than you mediate. “I know you like to try it too, let’s wait together till Sandra has finished, or” Sandra, do you think one of you can fill and the other one turns the mold around”?

Regardless what the motive of the conflict is, in most cases the subject of it is an item. Items are considered learning objects. That makes sharing so difficult and it does not matter if the item is a toy or a pot and a wooden spoon.

Golden Rules For Play Dates

Let us start with some reflections to make this play party a nerve saving and hopefully a tear free experience.

The preparation! Hide the toys you know are your child’s favorites. For instants the cuddle bear he/she sleeps with or the new red truck you know he would never like to share. This way you avoid putting your child in the situation to have to give up on something he would never ever do.

What is the best time? Kids in a happy and relaxed mood fight less. Who had a good night sleep or a nap is less grouchy and whiny. So the best time depending on the age would be in the morning after breakfast and before the energy level at lunch goes down. A good time is also after the nap in the early afternoon.

How long should it last? Don’t try a marathon. Children of the age of 2 to 3 have a play tolerance of about an hour maximum 90 minutes smaller children respectively less. No matter what, parents are always there as a referee.

How many kids shall I invite? In the beginning you should limit the invite to just one child especially if they have to play inside. To ask your child  to pay attention to more than one kid is too much for children at the age of 3 or under.

Sources of distraction! TV, computer or radio are no background entertainment. Please shut them off because it will distract and overwork the children concentration. Same applies to cd stories.  Kids playing with others are busy and have enough stimulation trying to concentrate on the action of the other one.

Choosing the games! Let the children choose the games. But make clear that there has to be a decision on what and how many toys otherwise you run the risk that all the toys will be dragged out. If you see that for example the ball, the puzzle or the Duplo blocks become rather unattractive don’t offer new game immediately. It is important that you give fresh impulses like: “You could build a garage, mix the puzzle again or let the ball touch the floor before catching. Sometimes it is easier to promote cooperation through a variation of the known, rather than of new toys.

The territory! If you plan on having the play date in your child’s room than you put yourself up for conflict. A neutral territory like the family room or the kitchen if big enough is the best choice. It is easier to compromise in “nobody’s land”.

The supervisor! Stay close, children need the help of adults to learn how to act and react in case of a conflict.  Don’t expect that at your first play party your kids will play all by themselves. You are the referee: “Samantha took my doll? Ok I understand it is yours maybe we can find another one Samantha likes and we can exchange?”