The situation: Robin finds a toy in the playground. Justin takes it way from Robin. Both children fight. Robin loses and starts crying. Both mothers who have been absorbed by their conversation first realize that something is wrong when they hear Robin cry.
For both mother to understand the situation the question has to be “What happened,” not “Why are you crying!” Experts say that the word WHY is increasing the conflict. Same wrong behavior would be to accuse the child with: “What have you done now again.
De-escalate with the following question: What happened, who had the toy first?” This is a question the child can answer.
Now you can say: “Justin, did you ask Robin if you could have the toy? No? You have to ask first, please give the toy back to Robin. If Justin has no intention to follow your request you can use the technique of a broken disc repeat the same sentence over and over again. Justin, give back the toy, you have to ask first. Best is to use the sentence Justin has to say. This way Justin learns how to behave in a situation of conflict.
Another possibility is to swap. Justin could offer Robin another toy to interchange.
Even so swapping is a makeshift because children learn to share only in exchange of something else the modern social society often works like this.
This is the last of our 5 articles regarding the topic Playing is easy – is it not? If you liked it please comment and/or give suggestion.