The situation: Leticia is driving Sofia’s bicycle. Leticia likes to have it back, but gets totally ignored by Sofia. Leticia’s mom tells her several times to return the bicycle but she gets ignored too. Leticia’s mom feels pressured because she can feel that Sofia’s mom is getting inpatient. Leticia’s mom just stops her daughter, gets her off the bike and gives it back to Sofia. Leticia starts to cry.
Experts say that: By acting like this you play the judge and you deprive your child of her powers. She has no more possibilities to make any type of decision, good or bad. The effect of learning something out of this situation is absolutly zero. Naturally you have to intervene because your child needs an arbitrator to help to solve the situation. Maybe like the following example; “Leticia did you ask Sofia if you could have her bicycle? – And you still like to ride? (By saying this you verbalize the conflict. Leticia feels that she is taken serious). “Ok, but now we have a problem. We have two kids but only one bike what are we going to do now? (You slow down the conflict) “What can we do?
Almost half of the times acting/reacting like this you will win your case because one of the kids will say: “Shall she keep it! In case this strategy does not work, try other proposals for solutions. If both children cannot agree to any suggestions than it is time to say: Ok, if none of you has an idea and can agree on something than I have to make a decision.